I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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