There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
