I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
