You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
