I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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