tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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