OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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