Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
