mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize