EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
