In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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