he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
