You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
