We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize