I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
