you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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