I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
