So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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