at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
