clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
