so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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