I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
