Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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