I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So here I am, sexting at work.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
