Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
