Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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