I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize