I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize