it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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