After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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