just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
