its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
