I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How does one acquire holy water?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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