I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
