my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
