I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
please don't ironically join a cult
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