dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
