the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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