dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
