That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
