those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
