16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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