the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
