I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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