i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think my fart just growled at me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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