I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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