i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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