Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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