please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
