THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
