Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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