I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
