Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
