the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
