dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
