Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
