when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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