I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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