He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
