i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
