i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
