I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
