I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
