i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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